I'd Rather
by GigliwasCool
Summary: “Hey there, stranger.” Her voice was so soft to his ears. Memories linger. Love always leave its imprint. [Oneshot. Set to Luther Vandross song.]


Hello, again all. I'm sure you know what this is. It's the same song and dance I have been performing since before I watched Benji make sweet love to the dance floor on _So You Think You Can Dance _this season. Ok those aren't my words, so I'll just leave a disclaimer a little later. I really appriciate everyone support and wonderfully kind words, I really love all of you.

I'm finally off the I-Hate-Tommy-Kick, it really only took a few good chick flicks: _Love Actually _is the ultimate shipper movie. It's like ten different realationships to juggle and with my scatterbrain, I just love love love it. Plus Hugh Grant is sexy, I don't care.

Anywho, this was a challenge that I just completed last night-slash-this morning. But I edited! Who's surprised. But honestly, that could mean nothing because I really fell of the grammar bandwagon a long time ago and sometimes I leave out key words and when I go back to check I say them in my head and I don't see that it doesn't translate on the page similarly or even coherently. Wow, that must be a run-on. I'm too lazy to fix it.

Anywho, I jacked the lyrics from Luther Vandross, they are _italized_ (or however normal people spell that word), **bolded** and centered. I can't really _center _the word _center _by itself, so we'll pretend that it's in thecenter. Flashbacks aresolely in_italics _and...I think that's it.So relax, read, feel sorry forpoorstupid Tommy, and then leave me a loverly review. I love loverly reviews, that make meextra happy. he-_hint hint_-he. Cue pretty winking face that I can't seem to form on the keyboard right now.

**Disclaimer****(that I have conviently remembered for once):**_I don't own the lyrics to "I'dRather" nor do I own Instant Star. Tim Rozonwould be forever mine ifI did. And possibly Tyler Kyte, just for good measure..._

**

* * *

**

**Love always leave its imprint...**

_I'd Rather_

Had history ever recorded a more foolish man than he? That was a question for the books and Tom Quincy wasn't going to look it up. He already knew the answer. The most brilliant man in the world may not know the answer. The dimmest excuse of a man that walked the Earth, or the snake the slithered on his belly may not know. The purest, most innocent, loving man may not know the answer. The dirtiest of men who lived in the filthy soot of misery may not know the answer. The most angelic man, who leads the richest and fullest life, may not know the answer. And though he wasn't a soiled snake or a frame to be hung in a home, Tommy knew the answer.

**_I thought sometime alone  
was what we really needed_**

He had been living the life his mistake had thrown at him. No longer anything to show for. Nothing to make his parents proud. Nothing that would make a small boy deem him a hero. Nothing to entice her to come back, aside from the mess he had become. Disheveled, uncaring, half dead. Looking around himself dismally, he was met with the ugly din of a run-down, unkempt, uncared for, and sullied hellhole of a bar. Behind him an angry drunk smashed his foot into the old, rickety jukebox. They both knew the old, obsolete, decrepit hunk of metal wouldn't stand up against many more beatings but neither cared. Hearing a few beats pound out as the lyrics met his ears, Tommy looked to the sky and threw who ever may have been peering down and laughing at him a nice slew of obscenities that would make his mother gasp. And his father blush. Tommy didn't want to have to face his ugly sorrows while some song, that so clearly defined his past and present and what he could only imagine to be his future, poked at his open sores. He guessed the other guy was too drunk to find any AC/DC and smashed his fat finger into the wrong button.

**_I thought it was the end  
of a beautiful story_**

Tommy absorbed the only environment that had welcomed him, vaguely taking in the disarray of what had once been a hotspot Gay Discothèque, turned bar, but still housed and sealed his most fond memories in tightly. He kept the reminiscences bottled up in a small fragment of his shattered heart that had remained, never bringing them to the surface. Sighing deeply, he realized with a sudden sadness that his future beard no fruits; just the futile hope that she held their memories just as close. That she would never forget him.

**_This one thing is true,  
that I'm nothing without you_**

_Pulling alongside her, smoothly killing the engine and slamming his door shut with just a tap of his palm, her saw her smile shining even in the dark of the summer's night. "Couldn't stay away?" He asked her with a light grin, propping his back against her car and leaving only inches between them. Looking up at the neon lights and straining to hear the distant beats of the fast pace music that sounded from within the club Tommy took in the atmosphere. The air smelled of the finest plumes of smoke as it was thickened with the sweat of a thousand men and liquor. The damp night was weighed with the teasing droplets that refused to fall from the sky. His shirt clung to newly formed beads of sweat as he looked over to see her skin lined with a thin coat of moisture. But feeling her hand brush across his fingers instantly chilled the night, making him tremor. "I have a feeling Mason isn't going to be coming back anytime soon." Jude joked lightly, watching as the strobe, twinkling, and luminous bulbs cast a fluorescent glaze through the muggy night and sporadically illuminated the contours of his smiling face. "Well at least **someone** is getting lucky tonight." Tommy threw back in a feigned disgruntled state. _

**_I know better now  
and I've had a change of heart_**

_Turning to face him, a slow smile coyly etched in her face as she slipped an arm down his back. Shivers coursed down his spine and tickled his feet painfully as she licked her lips invitingly before him. "I didn't say that." She drawled out, leaning her lips so close to Tommy that he could already taste them on his own. "Me?" He husked out, his deep voice rumbling the air. He watched tendrils of curls bounce against her bare shoulders as she nodded her head; Tommy dipped his lips against her neck, tasting and reveling in the girl he had loved from the beginning. His head spun with the dizzying elation of a soft moan that escaped her lips and hotly blew across his face. Feeling her silk hands under his chin, Tommy looked up to see her eyes ablaze her and her teeth suckling impatiently at her lips as he waited with reverently baited breath for her next move. Snaking her hands through his hair, passing her palms lightly through the mussed ends and let them tickle her a moment before she pulled his head towards her again. Attaching her face to his, lips were bruising; tongues were mingling; groans were falling from parted mouths; hands were roaming; fingers were tickling; palms were smoothing. Her lips were fabricated of the most luxurious silk of angels; he felt them pass fervently against his. His tongue swept and tickled her bottom lip, anticipating her soft savor. Seconds later he had darted in to taste her, feeling her hands grip him harder and her lips vibrate against his with a supple sigh. _

**_I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else_**

He wanted someone else to blame from his continual blunders. He wanted some other direction to point his finger. But it painfully rebounded and poked him in the chest every time he attempted to fine someone else with guilt. Everyone thought she was the same as the proverbial _others, _they didn't know how different she was. How different she could have been. How different he could have been with her. How different they could have been, together.

_**I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself**_

But he succeeded in proving them right. He even proved _her _right. He had only proven himself wrong, and nothing seared the pain deeper. He was the lone fool. Tommy liked to believe she believed in him. Liked to believe that she had had faith in him. Liked to believe that she hadn't doomed their love from the start. But, really, his hands were red and the sole matches that sparked the pain. Her pain. His constant pain, that never seemed to grant reprieve. That never seemed to shake its abrasively firm grasp around his conscience.

_**I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart**_

Knocking a drink back and feeling the warm liquor snake down to burn his throat, he blearily peered at his watch. His vision was distorted but he knew that she was late. He didn't need time to tell him that; but he didn't need time to make him care. He would wait. For the tinkle of the bell that dangled from the door. For the shine in her smile. For the chime of her laugh. For her.

_**I'd rather have the one who holds my heart**_

She had been the patter that made his heart beat. She had been the matchstick that lit the logs in of his fireplace. She had been the reason the birds chirped outside his windows. She had been the sun that basked him its luminous rays every day. She had been the air that pumped through his lungs, giving him pulse, giving him life. She had told him that she was done. She was finished. She was through. She had said it so many different ways that he had a hatred for each day of the week. Every morning he awoke to the sad pattering of her voice, shaking with anger and trembling with hurt. She didn't want to be anything to him anymore.

**_I found this one thing is true  
that I'm nothing without you  
I know better now  
and I've had a change of heart_**

_Months had passed since the night Fate had smiled on them. Months that seemed to whiz, whir, dash and race past Tommy. Each lightheaded moment hurtled his farther to a precipice. Faster towards a cliff. Nearer to a drop. He silently wondered, at each step, what waited for him after the fall. Would it merely be a descent? Would it be a short dive? Would she fall with him? Would he plummet headfirst? Feet first? Heart first? Would they be together after he landed? What did she do that made him plunge so hard?_

**_I thought sometime alone_**

_In one solitary night, the questions became too demanding and wore him away to a withered bundled mess of nerves. He needed to breathe without feeling her. He needed to laugh without hearing her. He needed to eat without tasting her. He needed smell without her scent haunting him. He needed to live without her. He convinced himself that it was better for him. It would be better for her. Everyone knew it was the fear of a tumbling unknown would run him off scared soon or later._

**_I thought it was the end._**

_Somewhere Tommy had also identified the fright. But he didn't care, so he broke her. Shattered her into a thousand irreparable pieces. Splintered her into sects of faded hopelessness. The shine of tears in her eyes flashed before him as the words fell from his lips. "I don't love you," had slipped out, but with each syllable he knew better. The quivering her softly pink lips shook over and over in front of him. The glistening wetness sent a shock through his system. She broke his heart with every tear._

**_I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else  
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself_**

But Jude didn't know that he would never stop thinking of her. Never stop replaying the sound of her laugh in his ears. Never stop imagining the warm glow of her eyes. Never let the blaze of her touch along his skin chill. Never stop tasting her on his lips every time his licked them. Never stop relishing in the scent of her on his sheets. Never stop rewinding every single moment they had ever spent together. Never stop pining for her. Never stop loving her. She didn't know because she never came to see him. Never sought him out with jovial intentions. Tommy hadn't seen her since the night everything fell apart. Since the night he had obliterated his only chance at whole, unconditional, passionate, caring, trusting, untarnished love.

**_And so I left the one I loved at home to be alone  
and I tried to find  
out if this one thing is true_**

Looking up from his empty glass, knowing that another drink would make no impact on his pathetically inebriated state, his belted out a rough sigh again. Hope had been in his heart as he stepped through the old bar's doors that afternoon and as he left hope still remained, but fluttered in a dissipating wind that blew through him. Swinging his feet out of the sickly wood that made a passable excuse for a chair, Tommy trudged to the bar and rolled his empty glass against the counter top. "Hit me." He called out cinematically, feeling like Dirty Harry, only dirtier. Debased. Low. Foolish. There wasn't even an ounce of confidence or self-pride that could have possibly been drained from him. Rock bottom. The fond of the base. No lower. Watching amber poison slip into his glass he laughed a grim, deep, graveled laugh. "No where to go but up." He called out to no one in particular. He succumbed to the roaring sensation that flooded through his ears and settled his system, feeling a beautiful numbness that masked the pain and shocked into a stupor.

**_I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart  
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart_**

Just as he had given up on the night, figuring he would slop a ride with his regular cabbie and go home and watch _Gigli _again because he really just needed to see someone who was worse off than he, the repetitive chorus of the bell swung through the air. He whipped himself about tipsily, his gaze greeted with shine of glistening tears in a pair of deeply blue eyes. "Hey there, stranger." She whispered out tentatively, her voice so soft to his so ears. So calming to his heart. So caressing in its touch. _Hey there, stranger. _He said to himself waiting for her first step, but finding no patience and making his first step back. Back to what he had once known. Back to his life. Back to happiness. Back to her arms. Back to her singing voice. Back to her giggling laugh. Back to her laughing smile. Back to Jude.


End file.
